Young Children: Waking Up in the Night

This article deals with issues that are not caused by any physical problems a child may have, but when they simply got in a routine of waking up for no clear reason in the middle of the night and then not going back to sleep on their own.

Young children around the ages of 3 and 4 wake up in the night for different reasons to a young baby. They are not suffering from hunger nor need a nappy change. Usually they are just looking for your help to get them back to sleep. As this disturbs your own sleep it can cause a great deal of frustration and tiredness for you.

As long as you are able to discount the possibility of nightmares or some other specific problem the key is to get your child back to bed as quickly and quietly as possible. Usually that is not as easy as it sounds.

Although it may simply be the case of forming a habit where your child wakes up in the middle of the night there are also factors relating to events that occur during your day, especially around bedtime that can have a knock on effect and cause you problems in the middle of the night.

Sleeping Basics

You may or may not know that we all go through cycles while we are asleep. Your child does too. The cycles are of deep sleep and lighter sleep. Most of your problems are likely to occur at a point in your child's light sleep part of the cycle when it is easier for them to wake up. It is in fact quite normal for a child to wake up in the middle of the night in just the same way it is for an adult. Some children are capable of settling themselves back to sleep while others find it that much harder.

Why Do Some Children Find it Harder to Go Back to Sleep?

One of the main reasons why a child is unable to go back to sleep on their own is that a set of sleep associated activities have been developed. For example if you usually manage to get your child off to sleep by rocking them or singing to them it is likely to be very difficult for them to get back to sleep in the middle of the night without similar help.

Changing the Sleeping Routine

If that sounds like the way you get your child to sleep you are likely to need to change this before you are able to see much in the way of improvements in the night. By changing your current bedtime routine you may start to gradually reduce the number of disturbances in the night.

Changing your method of getting your child off to sleep may be very difficult at first. Once you have settled them into bed you then leave them to go to sleep on their own. At first they may be extremely resistant to this method, especially as you have used a technique to get them off to sleep in the past that involved plenty of physical contact and giving them a lot of attention.

Coping with any resistance your child shows can be a major challenge. Some child psychologists tell you to pay no attention to your child shouting, screaming and crying when you put them to bed and to leave them to scream themselves out until they fall asleep. This certainly does not work for everyone, but most parents do find a degree of firmness is required to break the cycle. It is important to remain as calm as you can at what can be a very testing time. How much firmness you show is a matter for you to decide. Whatever method you decide to use the important point is that it appears to be working for you.

Separation Issues

A second reason for a not being able to get back to sleep on their own in the night is due to separation issues. In other words without you being there with them they lack the confidence and assurance to fall asleep on their own.

If you identify this as the possible cause of the sleeping problems in your house then see if you can increase the bonds between them and their favourite teddy bear or dolly. If they spend extra time in the day with their favourite teddy bear and develop a strong attachment with them then reaching out for them in the middle of the night may well give them the reassurance they need to get back to sleep again.

Letting the Know Who is in Control

You may see the battle over sleeping through the night as a control issue with your child attempting to take control of the situation.

It's true that young children soon work out how to gain control of situations. When waking in the middle of the night they know that crying is a sure fire way to get the attention they want. If that doesn't work they may soon work out that increasing the volume stands an even better chance of working.

If you give in and give them the attention they are seeking then you are passing control to them. It can be very difficult not to do this in the middle of the night when you are tired and all you want them to do is go back to sleep so that you can do so too.

As with when you are first trying to get them to sleep in the first place a degree of firmness is likely to be required. The less emotion you can show and the fewer words said the better. If they come into your room and will not go back to bed on their own then the less said the better. If you can just guide them back to their bed and make them get back in with hardly saying a word the more chance you have of being successful. They need to realise you are not delighted to see them and it is certainly not play time, although getting angry with them can make the situation worse rather than better.

Setting Your Routine to Promote a Good Night's Sleep

Ensuring there is a general pattern to your day, especially around bed time may also contribute to improving sleep patterns in general.

It tends to work best if bedtime is the same time every night and your bedtime routine is all about settling down and is based around relaxation rather than stimulation. This can be a tricky balance if bath time is also fun time and occurs shortly before bed. Obviously you want to keep an element of fun in everything you do, but the message of it being time to wind down and settle for the night is the key message that you want to be putting across late in the day.

Active, busy children usually sleep better too. So it helps if you can make time during your day to get out and about so that your child starts to tire noticeably towards the end of the day.

The timing of bed time is important as well. There is a fine line between delaying bedtime until your child is truly tired and delaying it until they either develop a second wind or become cranky and irritable and find it hard to go to sleep.

Food and drink can play their too. Eating very late in the day can cause difficulties in the night as can your children consuming high sugar drinks in the run up towards bedtime.

One factor that is difficult to control is the need for a sleep in the middle of the day. Around the age of three your child is likely to be growing out of the need for a nap in the middle of the day. When this is starting to happen the timing of the nap can creep later and later into the day. This can make it harder to achieve a settled night. This factor is very difficult to control until the time comes when you are able to avoid any sleep during the day at all. Once that happens you should find it easier to get back into a steady routine.

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