Prenatal Depression
This is the experience of a mother who suffered from prenatal depression. If you are pregnant and suffer any of these symptoms you should seek help from your doctor or health visitor immediately. Do not suffer in silence.....
I found out that I was expecting my 2nd baby in March 2005, we were so excited. That excitement was short lived, at our scan on 14 May 2005 we found out that our baby boy had anencephaly and would not survive, after much discussion we decided to end the pregnancy early. I was induced and gave birth to our baby on 17 May 2005.
It was a very sad and lonely time for me and was probably the start of my battle with 'prenatal depression'. I then threw myself into getting pregnant, I discovered I was pregnant again in August 2005, at last we were to have some happiness, or so we thought, sadly my pregnancy ended in miscarriage.
My husband and I both became very low, we felt we had no help or support and no-one understood how we felt. In November 2005 I was pregnant again! We were so excited but so scared, what was going to go wrong this time? I became obsessed with my pregnancy, every pain, I was sure it was doomed.
After a very hard first 12 weeks we were delighted to get to the 12 week nuchal scan and all was well, at last we could believe that this pregnancy was meant to be. At 14 weeks I began to get spotting and that was the start of my downward spiral, to get so far and now this to happen - I was sure it wasn't meant to be.
My baby was fine but I just became obsessed, trying to detach myself from being pregnant, thinking I didn't want my baby, that I didn't deserve to have a healthy baby, my elder daughter didn't deserve me as a mother, she deserved better, I felt a failure, as a wife and as a mother. Deep down I think I was trying to focus on anything other than being pregnant.
My husband noticed something was wrong about 16 weeks into my pregnancy, I was quiet, distant and not my normal self. Things deterriated from there on, I could only sleep for 2 hours and then I would wake up, obsessing what a bad wife/mother I was. I spent hours sat on the settee crying through the night, I couldn't eat, was sick the whole time. I seemed to be in another world and I didn't know what to do. This went on for a few weeks and then my husband insisted I get help.
I would wake up and cry all day, ringing him at work, and just sob down the phone, I lost nearly a stone as I couldn't eat, and anything I did eat I brought back up again. I had crazy thoughts, no one needs me, my husband and daughter are better off without me, I was a failure.
I felt guilty for ending my pregnancy before, guilty for being pregnant again, nothing made sense anymore. It got so bad that I saw a counsellor to try and talk through my feelings but I would just sit and sob to her for the whole session. She and my husband convinced me I needed professional help.
After much persuasion from them both I went to the doctor, he gave us details of some local psychiatrists that deal with 'prenatal depression'. I was so scared but so pleased to finally be getting help, who knows what would have happened if I had not had the support of my friends and husband.
When I first saw my psychiatrist I spent the whole time crying, he suggested medication but I refused, that would make me an even worse mother, wouldn't it? He assured me that they had been thoroughly tested and they had no impact on the baby but I still refused.
Things went from bad to worse over the next 10 days, I could just about get out of bed, I wanted to die, I felt I had nothing to live for, I thought I was a total failure.
My husband booked the appointment with the psychiatrist and made me go to get a prescription for some medication. It was the hardest time of my life admitting I needed drugs, if I hadn't I know I would not be here today. Dr Gregoire assured me that it was better to be taking medication than to be putting my baby through the stress, the sickness and the not eating. He said if people have diabetes when they are pregnant they take medication, what is the difference?
These words stuck with me throughout my pregnancy and still do today.
Depression of any kind is an illness, a mental illness. People seem to look down on you for having depression and taking any medication during pregnancy, but at what cost? I did what was best for my family and do not regret my decision. Within 10 days I started to get back to normal, I wish I had taken the medication sooner.
Prenatal depression is said to be more common than postnatal depression but It isn't talked about enough as women seem to be ashamed to need to take medication during pregnancy. I urge any woman who feels this way to seek help before it is too late, depression is a nasty illness that eats you up and takes over your life. It can be beaten! It is an illness and it needs to be treated, uou cannot ignore it and it wont go away. Prenatal depression is so common - you aren't alone if you are suffering.
NOTE:
The health section of Parenting.co.uk is not to be used as a substitute for your GP; if
your child is ill then seek the advice of a qualified doctor or other health professional
without delay.
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