Babies: Dad Not Interested

In the ideal world you bring your baby home form hospital and your own little family lives happily ever after. What happens though if your partner shows little interest in your new baby? This can be very hard on you. Not only can you feel an element of rejection, but you are likely to feel that everything falls on your shoulders at a time when you need support more than at any other time in your life.

Reasons Why a Dad Might Not be Interested in a Baby

Fear
A mum's maternal instincts and a dad's paternal instincts can be very different. Many men feel very unsure when initially confronted with a baby. One thing for certain is that they are unlikely to want to show that they are not sure what to do and feel out of their depth. If your partner was unable to attend many post natal classes then they could well be unprepared for the changes and challenges a new born baby confronts them with.

Your baby may well be the first baby partner has ever held. If this is the case it is not surprising that they feel deeply unsure about what to do next.

This can be worse for the man if you appear to be a highly confident mother that takes to motherhood like a duck to water.

In order to overcome fear, try working together to build confidence.

Feeling of Rejection
Bringing your baby home is likely to be the biggest change you make to your life. Quite rightly as a new mum you will be dedicated to the baby, making sure all its basic needs are met. That is very time consuming and it can be very hard to find the time or energy for anyone else.

If this is your first baby then the change that occurs is seismic. Other than you nobody is likely to feel this more than your partner. He has gone from being the special person in your life to someone you might hardly have time for.

This can quickly lead to a strong sense of rejection. It may also lead to a level of resentment against your baby or perhaps just a general feeling of being left on the sidelines looking in. To highlight this fact in his eyes when a baby is first born you are also likely to be the centre of attention in the early days as mother and baby are centre stage with everyone concerned about your wellbeing.

Although you may struggle to find the energy to overcome this problem the more you can make your partner feel important and involved the better your chances of him bonding with your baby.

Wants to Continue Batchelor Type Life
For many men, and women too come to that, the amount of work that comes with having a new baby can be a severe shock to the system. If before your baby came along your partner enjoyed an active social life he may find this very hard to give up.

If this is similar to what you are experiencing it can help to share the workload immensely if you can talk to your partner and explain the amount of work and effort that you are putting in. A lot of the time you may find a man doesn't fully appreciate the level of effort and corresponding tiredness involved in taking care of a new baby.

Not Paternal
This is a bit of a catch all heading. Perhaps there are no clear reasons for why a dad is not interested in your baby. It could be a case that he is just not a paternal type of guy. If this is the case there is not a tremendous amount you can do. Apart from keeping him as involved as he would like to be and getting him to understand the level of work involved in looking after a baby all you can really do is keep your fingers crossed that over time he will develop a greater interest in his child.

Getting Dad Involved

If you want your partner to show a greater level of interest it is important to involve him the best you can at all stages. Through talking to your partner try to find out if there are particular areas he would like to be involved in. Can you help him to learn some of the basics in looking after a baby? This may help to boost his confidence if it is lacking.

Perhaps the idea of looking after a baby at home is not working for him. Therefore he may be more the type to get out and about pushing the pram. You may find the gateway to success is simply to get him involved in a very small way at first and slowly but surely increasing the number of areas he feels comfortable with.

Talking to Your Health Visitor

If you are becoming concerned with the situation then it can be helpful to discuss the subject with your health visitor. It is a situation they have almost certainly seen before and they should be able to gain a better understanding of what is happening and to be able to give you useful advice.

Talking to Your Mother in Law / Partner's Mother

If your husband or partner is close to his mother and you also have a good relationship with her then she might be able to help you. It may well be that your partner has already confided in her what he thinks of the baby and you may be able to quickly get a better understanding of what the underlying problem is.

What it Means for the Future

It is difficult to say what impact a lack of interest in the early months of your child's life will have in the future. It may be that your husband or partner will always find it difficult to bond with your child. On the other hand he may progressively become more involved as your child grows. Not all men find babies particularly interesting, but as first steps occur and first words are spoken you may find interest starts to fire up. Even if it doesn't at that stage you may find the level of interaction improves over time as the father is slowly able to relate more closely to your child. This could be when your child is ready to play at the park or starts to enjoy days out.

So while it may seem very hard at the start remember it may not always be this way. Try to make the dad feel as involved and included as much as possible and try to ensure the relationship between the two of you remains as positive as it can be with time found where the two of you can still focus on each other.

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